No Pain, No Pain?
It’s often been said that opposites attract. I want to expand on this statement. It has also been said that in dating, opposites attract; in marriage, opposites attack. That's grim, bleak, and dreary. Let's lighten this up a bit. How about this as a solution for most people? Opposites attract, but their relationship can remain intact if they work to negotiate their differences. Without negotiation, a relationship is often short-lived. Negotiation is possible when both people are committed to the relationship, which will involve some pain from time to time.
Unfortunately, ‘No pain, no pain’ is how most people live their lives these days. However, real and tangible personal growth, prosperity, and maturity arise from the ‘No pain, no gain’ side of life. It facilitates the transition from attraction to commitment. Most people don’t want to engage in the process; they want to participate and enjoy the outcomes. Yet, the process involves deciding who truly wants to be part of the outcome. This idea applies to marriage, friendships, your church or place of employment, and your various affiliations of any kind.
I’ll illustrate what I am writing here with an observation from the John Lennon Fan Club about the relationship between John Lennon and Paul McCartney of the Beatles.
“Paul McCartney once said, “I worked with one of the greatest songwriters and one of the finest people in the world.”
That wasn't just nostalgia speaking; it was the truth wrapped in decades of music, memory, and something more profound — a friendship shaped by brilliance. Paul and John weren't just a songwriting duo; they were a storm, a contradiction, a perfect imbalance that somehow made everything make sense. "I think it was just the chemistry," Paul once said. "It was like I had a skill set, and he had a skill set, and when you brought them together, it just kind of exploded."
There’s this unspoken reverence in Paul’s voice every time he talks about John. You can hear it — not in grandiose words, but in the pause that lingers after he says “John.” The weight of knowing that genius isn’t always easy, but it’s unforgettable when you’ve seen it up close. “He was the most brilliant man I ever knew. He could be unbearable—difficult, sharp—but when he turned that light on you, you felt like the most important person in the world.”
They challenged each other. They annoyed each other. But they created magic that no one else could. And Paul has never tried to recreate that. How do you replicate a once-in-a-lifetime partnership? He didn’t need to. He lived it.”
You get the idea that in those years when Lennon and McCartney came together, the process was not easy, but the outcome was worth it. The pain released the gain, and it changed the world. John was the pessimist, and Paul was the optimist. John was the art; Paul was the heart. John was the artist, and Paul was the entertainer. Where did that lead? Their songs offered optimistic yet realistic views, merging heart and art with both artistic and entertainment value. Together, they produced what neither could have created alone.
When Paul McCartney was introducing a song he wrote for John Lennon to hear called "It’s Getting Better All the Time," Paul sang a verse, “But I’ve got to admit it’s getting better, getting better all the time.” John Lennon added, “Can’t get no worse.” That’s similar to their song “You say goodbye and I say hello." How do you create something amazing from these different perspectives? "We can work it out" if 'we' are willing to engage in the process of working it out while keeping our eyes on the outcome. For most, the journey will be worthwhile when they reach the result. "You were only waiting for this moment to arise." Anything worthwhile is going to take a while.
Life is not about tolerating differences; life is about celebrating differences. Perhaps the people who bother us the most are the ones we need the most. Unless there is intentional mental, emotional, or physical abuse, or a law is broken, it may be time to start celebrating our differences and becoming good finders rather than fault finders. Some people search for faults as if there's a reward for it. Don’t let cynicism determine your future. That’s a bubble of trouble for you and everyone around you. Nothing grows in a bubble; it’s boring.
In simple terms, negotiation is the process by which parties bargain to reach an agreement. Sometimes, you need to give up to go up. That’s negotiation.
Life is generally a both/and, not an either/or. God designed marriage so that both the husband and wife complete one another, not compete with each other. It’s not Adam or Eve; it’s Adam and Eve. To get the complete picture that is best for everyone, every idealist needs a realist and vice versa. For the whole picture, every Fundamentalist needs a Pentecostal and vice versa. I like being a ‘Bapticostal.’ Both sides have what the other needs.
Finally, every Democrat needs a Republican and vice versa. That will flush the quail out of the bush! Politicians, get your God-given minds and lives together and negotiate. Polarization has a short shelf life for all of us. One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. None of us is as great as all of us.
Ed Delph/June 23, 2025/CCC