What Makes Coffee Nervous?
I love the movie, You’ve Got Mail. In one scene in the movie, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) is talking to his friend and his store manager, Kevin Jackson (Dave Chappelle). The two men are talking about Joe Fox's current girlfriend. Kevin asks Joe if he is going to marry his girlfriend. Joe Fox says, "Me marry Patricia (Posey Parker)? No way, she makes coffee nervous."
I like the idea of making coffee nervous. What a great 'word picture.' I can work with that concept. That can be the title of one of my articles. When you've been writing these articles since November 2004, everything becomes an article. Some of the articles I have written for you have become among my best public speeches. For example, when Tiger Woods won the Masters in 2019, I wrote an article entitled "Bringing Tiger Out of the Woods." It's a favorite message.
So, what makes coffee nervous? Well, I talked to coffee, and here is what coffee said to me. Now, before you start to judge me for talking to coffee, remember that you are watching medicine commercials with a turtle telling you what medicine to buy for your current medical problems, and an owl walking a dog informing you of medicine that could affect your life. I think there is a commercial with an octopus, and I don’t even want to think of those colon or mucus commercials you’re watching. You’re also watching dancing-challenged people trying to do choreography and singing a catchy song, who should be on oxygen, selling you a product. That makes coffee nervous. It makes paramedics nervous, too.
You know what else makes coffee nervous? It’s driving on the I-17 Freeway from Happy Valley to McDowell Road, either north or south, with about 100 lawyer commercials. I mean, we got the muscle-bound lawyer in a suit with a cutout of his muscles showing; the two fit as a fiddle, mile-wide smile, optic white teeth, way to go lawyers who can’t stand still; and lately we have the jungle, warrior queen who could beat up Ironman with one stare, lawyer. I'm sure they're OK people, but the billboards are awkward. If you can watch those commercials, I can talk to coffee.
Here’s another thing that makes coffee nervous. Get ready, coming soon to every news program in the United States, it’s political commercial time. Oh boy, it’s feasting on hate time. (I’d like to see the owl walking the dog, do a political commercial – that would be a hoot). After nine months of those commercials, nine out of ten people need to see a counselor, and the tenth person won’t admit it.
Lastly, coffee says what really makes it nervous is Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). What’s HPD? It’s a mental health condition marked by unstable emotions, a distorted self-image, and an overwhelming desire to be noticed. People with HPD often behave dramatically or inappropriately to get attention. Wow. We have heaps of this happening right now. Hurt people, hurt people.
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I got to thinking about this and started asking myself, “What makes people nervous?” Some of you think that reading this article makes you nervous. Fair enough. Some people are nervous about whether they will ever be able to buy a home. Others are nervous about the Iranian situation, mostly because legacy media is trying to make you nervous. Some people wonder what their legacy will be and whether anyone will remember them. Others are concerned about whether they will ever get the college education paid for. Hint: According to author Warren Weirsbe, 92% of what you worry about never happens.
As a coffee-drinking pastor, I started wondering what makes God nervous. While God doesn’t get nervous, there are some things God hates, and maybe that should make us a bit nervous or at least catch our attention.
“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” Proverbs 6:16-19.
Let’s review these seven things. God Hates Pride or Haughty Eyes. Pride is self-exaltation. It is the silent enthronement of self above God. It resists correction, rejects accountability, and competes for glory that belongs to God. God Hates A Lying Tongue. A lying tongue distorts reality, manipulates perception, breaks trust, and creates cracks in character.
God Hates Hands that Shed Innocent Blood. Life is sacred because human beings bear the image of God. Violence, injustice, oppression, and cruelty contradict God’s design. God Hates a Heart that Devises Wicked Schemes. A heart that continually plans harm, manipulation, revenge, or corruption distances itself from God. Wickedness does not start with action; it starts with meditation.
God Hates Feet That Are Quick to Rush into Evil. There’s a difference between being tempted and eagerly pursuing sin. The rush into evil shows readiness and comfort with wrongdoing. God Hates a False Witness Who Pours Out Lies. Words are powerful. To misuse words is to misuse influence. False testimony destroys reputations and divides communities and countries. God Hates One Who Stirs Up Conflict in the Community. Division grieves God because unity reflects God's nature. Unity does not mean the absence of disagreement. It means handling differences with humility and love.
All these issues are current issues and are all around us, sometimes caused by people with HPD. When we read what God hates, we should not look outward to others first. We should look inward. God reveals to us what God hates so that we may turn from it.
Did you notice these seven things God hates are not people but things? God may hate the things we do, but God doesn’t hate us. In fact, God is for us. God hates what hurts us. God hates whatever corrupts us, destroys us, deceives us, and divides us. God separates who we are from what we do. Being a Christian is not simply about avoiding certain behaviors. It's a transformation of heart and mind. It's doing what's best because we know God's best and are empowered to do God's best.
So, how can we reduce coffee’s nervousness? Let’s ask ourselves these questions before judging others. Is there pride in my heart? Is there dishonesty in my speech? Are my motives pure? Do my actions promote unity or division? Am I hurt in some way and acting out that hurt out on others? Be the change for the better. And your coffee thanks you!
You might not be a goer,
but you can be a sender.
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